


Home

by EdithBlake



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Best, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdithBlake/pseuds/EdithBlake
Summary: Buck finds the small space of closets calming and safe. He never thought he would have to share that secret with anyone until Eddie finds him in his bathroom closet... Eddie finds himself spending a lot of his time in closets after that day.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 622





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Drop A Kudo if you like. All comments are welcome!! Thanks!!

Home had always been a temporary concept for Buck. He lived with his parents and sister until he was seven. Then his parents got divorce and he spent his time alternating between two homes that never felt quite right. The empty house of his mom's place always felt lonely and small and his father’s house always felt cold and frightening. When his mother landed herself in rehab, Buck found himself alternating between his grandmother’s place and his father's. He liked his grandmother’s place. It was cosy and warm but it didn’t last. She died when he turned fifteen. He no longer had Maddie around to have that small piece of home that he craved. He just had his father’s cold two story house filled with bad memories. He thought maybe he found a home in the SEALs with his brothers but that didn’t come to fruition and he was left without a place to call his own again. South America worked for a little while until the rotating strangers in his bed only seemed to make the yearning for something more grow. This yearning made it impossible to stay. When he found the 118… He sunk his nails and teeth into it’s flesh out of fear of being left behind. Abby felt like home...That’s why he didn’t want to leave her apartment...Why he couldn’t bring himself for so long to admit that he lost another shelter. Then Ali...left as well...another eviction that sent him reeling. But he still had the 118. Still had a place to call his own. A home that welcomed him. There was another place that felt like home to him. Well not a place per say… more like another person. Eddie Diaz. There was just something about Eddie that made him feel like he belonged. That he wasn’t a waste of space or an inconvenience. 

So yeah, Buck had issues when it came to the concept of home. When the concept of home became too much for him. He found solace in the one place every place he ever lived in had in common...The closet. When he was a kid and his parents would argue he would hide in his bedroom closet. When he was older and his mom would come home with some random dude, he would hide in the bathroom closet. At his father’s place… when his father became too aggressive… he would hide in the pantry. At his grandmother's he would hide in the downstairs closet when she started asking too many questions about his bruises. In the SEALs, he would hide in the supply closet of his dormitory, when he found himself losing his humanity. In South America, he would hide in the small closet of his apartment that he barely fit in. At the station, he would always offer to restock the supply closet after a bad call. It was harder at Abby’s but he did find the closet in the bedroom worked when she was asleep or out. In his apartment, his bathroom closet was where he found himself most days now. There was something about the small and quiet space that seemed to calm him. He would just sit and stare at the closed door. Let his brain go silent for a bit. He would put in his AirPods and just let the world around him disappear. He would close his eyes and let the feeling of peace wash over him. He never thought he would ever have to share that part of himself with anyone. Until he felt that hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to stare into the concerned brown ones of his best friend. He hadn't even heard him come in. Buck was frozen...The shame creeped up to his eyes and he bowed his head taking out his AirPods. 

“Didn’t hear you come in.” Even to his own ears he sounded off. 

Eddie frowned, his brow furrowed in worry. 

“I called out your name, Buck. A lot.” Eddie told him softly taking a tone he would normally use when Christopher would have a nightmare. 

“I was listening to music.” Buck held up an AirPod and Eddie bit his lip as he tried to catch Buck’s eye.

“In your bathroom closet?” Eddie asked, still taking on the same soft tone. 

Buck looked down into his lap and nodded. “I...I always liked closets…” Buck tried to get the cocky quality back into his voice but it fell flat. 

Eddie watched him for a good minute still crouching down in front of him. He then nodded running a hand through his short hair. 

“Want some company?” Eddie asked nodding to the space next to Buck. 

Buck felt his throat constrict, like a hand had closed around it and squeezed. Buck could only nod, not trusting himself to speak. Eddie nodded and took a seat next to Buck. Buck pulled the door close shrouding them into darkness.

“Music?” Buck whispered holding up an Airpod. 

“Sure.” Eddie gently took it from him and put it in his ear. 

Buck put his own back in. They just sat there in silence listening to music. Buck felt a wave of anxiety hit him...like an animal was trying to claw its way out of his stomach. He felt like he could vibrate out of his skin.

“This is nice.” Eddie whispered into the dark and Buck felt the beast in his stomach reel back from the clawing to purr softly. 

“Thank you…” Buck closed his eyes as he heard the rawness in his own voice. 

They didn’t speak for another twenty minutes until Buck was ready to get out. Buck took out his AirPod and got up to open the door. Eddie slowly got up too. Eddie held out the AirPod between them and Buck quickly snatched it. 

“The game is about to start…” Buck trailed off as Eddie kept his eyes on Buck’s face, looking for any hints of a breakdown. 

“You know that you can tell me anything, right? That I will never judge you. That I will always have your back no matter what.” Eddie told him seriously and Buck shifted his weight awkwardly. 

Eddie took in his shifting feet and nervous energy. 

“I’m here. Always. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be ready to listen.” Eddie stated with a conviction that made Buck’s stomach swoop. 

Buck could only nod but that seemed to be enough for Eddie. 

“Beer and tacos?” Eddie asked and Buck smiled as he followed Eddie to his kitchen. 

\---  
Buck choked back a startled cry when he saw her walk into the station. Abby… He made a beeline for the supply closet. Once inside, he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes trying to catch his breath in order to control the feelings that were resurfacing. He didn’t hear the door click open and close. He did, however, feel the anchoring hand on his back. 

“We’ll stay in here as long as you need.” Eddie whispered and Buck bit his lip to keep the choked sob from escaping. 

Abby brought up so many...so many unresolved emotions. He tried to sort them out in his head but they jumbled together and made him feel foggy. 

“Talk to me.” Buck begged and Eddie took a step closer and leaned against the wall next to him. 

“When I was ten years old, I took my bike down to the local creek where a lot of the guys from my school hanged out at. I was a pretty scrawny kid growing up. I wasn’t very cool or popular but I wanted to fit in with the guys so… I tried jumping the creek using a janky ramp that some of the older kids had built in order to impress them. I ended up breaking my clavicle as I went over the handlebars into the creek. They never let me live it down. Even after I started growing into my looks, everyone still called me Handlebars…” Eddie told him casually and Buck smiled gently as he pictured the story in his mind. 

He had seen pictures of a ten year old Eddie. He could see him perfectly in his mind’s eye, with a little blue bike and red helmet. 

“The kids at my school used to call me, CB.” Buck whispered and Eddie raised an eyebrow. 

“Crack Baby.” Buck answered honestly, keeping his head against the wall, he closed his eyes. 

Buck could feel Eddie’s eyes burning a hole in the side of his face. 

“My mom was an addict. Everyone in town knew it. Maddie had tried to shelter me from the reality of it growing up but after my parents got divorced she would go on these benders. The kids from school would see her walking around town looking for a fix.” Buck muttered. 

“Keep talking...I’m right here.” Eddie told him softly and Buck bit his lip. 

“I think that’s enough sharing for one day.” Buck whispered. 

Buck opened his eyes to see Eddie staring at him with caring and patient eyes.

“Okay.” Eddie told him and Buck sighed. 

“I guess I should go talk to her.” Buck muttered and Eddie nodded. 

“I got your back. I’ll be close by.” Eddie told him and that thought calmed Buck down. 

\--

Buck was at Eddie’s when his phone went off. He looked down to see his dad was calling him. Eddie who was next to him on the couch also noticed the caller ID. Buck declined the call. Thankfully, Eddie didn’t say anything. They continued watching the game. Buck saw the notification that he got a voicemail on his phone and ran his hands down his thighs. Eddie slowly got up and nodded to his room. Buck frowned in confusion. Eddie grabbed his arm and hauled him up. Buck had no choice but to follow him. Eddie grabbed the blanket off his bed and two pillows. Buck watched in confusion until Eddie opened his closet door and threw the pillows down and then the blanket. He held the door open for Buck and gestured for him to get in. Buck blushed feeling like a child but glance down at his phone and decided he didn’t care. He walked into the closet and got settled under the blanket. Eddie slowly joined him and closed the door. They both sat in the small dark space sharing a blanket. 

“He still scares me.” Buck whispered into the darkness and he felt Eddie shift closer.

“I’m 28 years old and he still scares me.” Buck sighed and bit his lip when he felt Eddie’s arm wrap around his shoulder pulling him closer.

“Why does he scare you?” Eddie asked and this time he didn’t take on the gentle tone he used with Christopher.

It was an all new tone, one that was still caring and empathetic but more mature...like he knew he wasn’t addressing a child but a man. 

“He wasn’t kind…” Buck answered and that was the best he could do right now and Eddie seemed to pick up on that.

“Other than Maddie, did you have anyone to turn to as a child?” Eddie asked as he rubbed small circles into Buck’s shoulder blade.

“My grandma. I would stay with her three times a week after my mom went to rehab. She was...she was a safe place to land.” Buck murmured and Eddie nodded. 

“Thank you for sharing, Buck. Do you want to be quiet now?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded leaning his head on Eddie’s shoulder. 

\--

Buck’s back was killing him. He blinked and heard a giggle. He looked up to see Christopher staring down at him. 

“Why are you and daddy sleeping in the closet?” Christopher whispered and Buck looked down to see Eddie sprawled out on top of him. 

Buck smiled as Eddie burrowed his head into the crook of Buck’s neck.

“Too early…” Eddie grumbled and his breath on Buck’s throat sent a pleasurable shiver down Buck’s spine. 

“We were having a sleepover.” Buck told Christopher.

“Without me?” Christopher pouted and Buck laughed. 

“Come here…” Eddie waved him over and Christopher put his crutches against the wall next to the door and slowly lowered himself down onto Eddie.

Eddie wrapped him up in the blankets and Buck found himself with an armful of his Diaz boys.

Buck wrapped his arms around them and laid back down ignoring the pain in his back. 

“This is comfy.” Christopher murmured sleepily and Buck’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Very.” Eddie agreed burrowing his head back into the crook of Buck’s neck and shoulder. 

“Glad I could be of service.” Buck whispered as he held them a bit tighter. 

\--

Buck sighed as he left the airport. Saying goodbye to Abby again had been tough but he felt much better about how they ended things this time. They had reconnected as friends and said goodbye as friends. He got the closure he needed from her and it made him feel lighter in a way. Stil, Chimney felt that Buck needed a good night out to get his mind off things. So, they were going to a bar with the team and Maddie, Karen and Athena were also coming. Which is how he found himself nursing a beer in a dirty booth as everyone talked around him. He added to the conversation every now and then. Eddie sat next to him and that gave him some comfort. 

“You okay, you’re really quiet?” Eddie whispered into his ear, his hand landing on Buck’s thigh. 

“Feeling...foggy.” Buck replied honestly...he was having more and more trouble lying to Eddie lately. 

“Do you need a break? I know a place we can go for a quick five minutes.” Eddie whispered and Buck nodded. 

“Hey, Chim let us out. I gotta take a leak.” Eddie stated and Chim got out of the booth. 

Buck followed Eddie to the back of the bar hoping they were not going to the bathroom...Luckily, before getting to the hallway that led to the bathroom, Eddie veered right...to a photo-booth. It was one of those old vintage ones. Eddie held open the red velvet curtain. Buck smiled and got in. Eddie joined him. They were very smushed in considering they were both huge men. Eddie pulled out his AirPods and handed one to Buck who bit his lip to keep his emotions in check at how sweet Eddie was being. He put in the AirPod and Eddie started playing Sweet Creature by Harry Styles, which was one of Buck’s favorites. Buck closed his eyes and leaned his head against Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Eddie.” Buck whispered.

“I’ll always bring you home...I hope you know that.” Eddie told him and Buck smiled.

He was really starting to. 

\--

Buck finds himself spending less and less time in closets. He was cooking some pasta dish when the door opened and Eddie walked in. Buck nodded at him in greeting. He had his AirPods in. Eddie crossed the small distance into the kitchen. Buck had to back up into the counter by how close Eddie got to him. Eddie stared at him with hooded eyes that made Buck’s blood boil to dangerous levels. Eddie pulled off his shirt and threw it behind him. Buck’s eyes widened as he swallowed hard and took out his Airpods putting them on the counter. Eddie grabbed him by the hips and slammed him deeper into the counter. Buck had no idea what was happening or if he had slipped in the shower and died only to be brought to his own personal heaven. Eddie grabbed the helm of Buck’s shirt and pulled it off him throwing it with his own. They stared at each other. Eddie traced the tattoo on Buck’s upper pec. Buck traced Eddie’s jawline with his index finger. 

“There’s no going back from this.” Buck told him seriously and Eddie brought his hand to lay above Buck’s pounding heart. 

“Good…” Eddie whispered before crashing their lips together. 

Buck gripped the back of Eddie’s head pulling him closer. Eddie pulled away and Buck chased his lips. Eddie turned off the stove and pulled Buck into the living room. He pushed Buck onto the couch and straddled him. Buck groaned into the kiss as Eddie grinded down against him. 

“Never done this with a man before…” Buck moaned as he pulled away to kiss Eddie’s neck. 

“Me either...but I’m loving it.” Eddie moaned as Buck sucked on his pulse point. 

“Me too...You feel so fucking good.” Buck hissed as Eddie grinded down against him again. 

“God, I’ve never wanted anyone more than you.” Eddie confessed in Buck’s ear causing Buck to whimper in pleasure. 

“I’ve wanted you since day one.” Buck cried out as Eddie palmed him through his jeans. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asked cockily as he pushed Buck to lay down on the couch and settled between his legs to kiss his chest. 

“The first day you showed up… I wanted to push you up against the ladder truck and show you who the real boss of the 118 was.” Buck growled and Eddie sucked on his nipple. 

“That’s so hot…” Eddie moaned as he held Buck’s hands over his head. 

“Eddie...Please…” Buck whispered and Eddie smiled softly at him. 

“I’m right here. I’m always right beside you.” Eddie told him as he kissed him deeply. 

“I love you...Fuck I love you so much.” Buck cried out as he pulled him closer. 

“I love you too...So much. So goddamn much, Buck.” Eddie swore and Buck swallowed all his promises. 

\--  
“I never really had a sense of what home was. I never really understood what it meant to have a place where you felt like you belong...until I met you. You became that for me. You and Christpher became my home. A place where I can be myself without fear of being hurt or judged. A place filled with peace and love. A place where I get to experience a little piece of heaven every day and for that I will forever be grateful that you came into my life. You are my forever and my always. My home.” Buck finished his vows. 

Eddie was failing at holding back his tears as he stared at him.

“For a long time, I thought that I was meant to be alone. A part of me believed that I deserved to be alone but then I met this cocky blue eyed angel. You came into my life in a time where I needed someone to lean on. You were my guardian angel, are my guardian angel. You’ve seen me at my worst. Most people would have ran but you held on tighter and never once made me feel ashamed of who I am. You are my best friend and you are the love of my life. You are the best father to our son and I’m so happy I get to share you with him. I will love you till my last breath in this world and into the next.” Eddie vowed and Buck didn’t care that he let out a small choked sound. 

\--

Eddie walked into the room to see the closet door open. He peeked inside and smiled. Christopher was passed out with his head in Buck’s lap. Buck was softly rocking Riley in his arms. Eddie sat down next to Buck. 

“She likes it in here.” Buck whispered as he stared down at their daughter. 

“She likes it anywhere as long as she is in your arms, Buck.” Eddie stated softly and Buck smiled brightly. 

“Or yours.” Buck added and Eddie threw his arm over his husband’s shoulder. 

“Because as long as she is with us…” Eddie started.

“She’s home.” Buck finished.


End file.
